OK, so I have had my 4 grand children (ages 2-8) living with me since the end of OCT 2011... I love my grand children please believe that I do, but I by no means wanted to have 4 young children at the age of 47 years old. Now is the time that I should be working towards my retirement and looking forward to doing what I want to do when I want to do it... I mean, I had my child... The Lord blessed me once with a son, and I took care of my responsibility to him... I did everything I could, the best way I knew how, I know that I made mistakes, but I stayed and handled my responsibility...
I was a single mother, I had no help from my son's father at all... Now I know that my son has issues, and he is working on his issues. I also know that these children are also his responsibility... but I just don't get the mother... she has been granted visitation with her children 3-4 times a week, and she only comes once a week... at the last court date, the judge gave her unsupervised visits 3 times a week for 4 hours each day... Now the case worker said that we can work these details out together and she could see them longer if we were able to work it out, she just can't keep them over night...
So I have opened my home to her.. I have told her that she can come here and spend good quality time with her children, and she still chooses to only see them once a week for 4 hours... and one hour of that 4 hours is spent in church, where she isn't even with the children.. She actually works less then two miles from our house. I have told her several times, that she could pick the young ones up from day care, come here and have dinner with her children... she would then be able to read them a bed time story and put them to bed, and she would still be able to be home before 9 pm..... and she still chooses to see her children once a week for 4 (actually 3) hours.... I just don't get it...
Now, I have been help this girl out since she was 14 years old, I have actually provided a roof over her head for most of her adult life... she knows that I am going to have surgery on both my wrists the 20th of this month, Mary and I are really going to need some help, because Mary is going to have to take care of me too... I mean, I am not going to have any use of both my hand for at least two full weeks... she is going to have to do everything for me, including feed me and help with my personal hygiene.. I had asked The case worker if that mother could stay here at the house with us for 2-3 weeks to take care of HER children.. the case worker said that she would be able to arrange it, but the mother is so concerned about having time by herself that she isn't going to help us out at all..... I so don't get it....
Last week end, Mary had a funeral to go to, she really wanted me to go with her, and I really wanted to be there for her... We had asked Jen, the mother, if she would come and stay with the kids so I could go with Mary... she said that she had to work... OK, I understand that .... if you have to work you have to work, so Mary went to the funeral without me..... that day, I had talked to Jen and found out that she took the day off because she needed "me time"..... Are you kidding me....... she hasn't had her children for over 5 months and she needed me time.... can I just say, I wanted to do some real bodily harm to her.... Mary/ and I have not had a full day to So now my life and Mary's life has changed and will never be the same... Jen feels that she should be able to come to this house when ever she wants to see her children.... well I am not having it... she says she will be here at 11 am, and she shows up 1130-`1145... that is bull crap... I am so done with helping that girl and catering to her wants... I have decided that when she has time with her children, she is completely responsible for them... I am not even giving her diapers for the baby any more... he is her baby, she should buy diapers for him....
Jen says/ she wants her children back, and she is doing everything that the court has told her to do, so she is working the case plan... It just seems to me, that if she really wanted her children, that she would be here every chance she had to spend time with them... I mean.. I know the children love their Mother, but shouldn't they miss her? Shouldn't they want to be with her? When she comes, they are happy to see her, but when she leaves, they really don't care, not even the baby that is 2... when she is here, the children still come to me for anything they want... they don't listen to her at all....... I just don't get it....
All I can think is, if someone would have taken my children from me, I would be doing anything I could to be with them every minute that I could..... I don't know, maybe it is me.... I just don't get it...
Thank you for reading my rantings today.. I have had this on my chest and had to get it off, that is why we blog anyway isn't it...
I do need prayer, I need the Lord to help me with my temper... I know that I am angry, but I have got to control my mouth... twice now, the Mother and I have had words in front of the children... they so don't need to hear that.... they have so much going on alrady they don't need to see their Mommy and Bamaw fighting...
Ok, enough is enough... I am done ranting for today... thank you all for reading... and comments or input is greatly appreciated....
Hello Mary alice, first welcome to blogspot..I feel glad that you are able to write your troubles in your blog. It is good to get things off your chest. I have no real idea what to suggest that you can do. I can see so clearly that you love your grandkids but it is hard and it is tiring when you get to your age. The Mother certainly does not seem to be at all responsible so in some ways maybe just as well she is not looking after the children. I was wondering where your son is on all this ? does he give you enough help with them ? why are you having operations to two of your hands at once, is it not possible to have one at a time done..I am sure the 8 year old could be happy to help you with the younger ones. I will keep you in my prayers that you will find away round all your problems.
ReplyDeleteLove sybil.
http://sybil-dayintheifeofsybs.blogspot.co.uk
Hello Sybil... I am having the surgery on both wrists because I have been out of work since Jan already and I really have to get back.. not to mention, I can't afford the cost of two2 surgeries.... I do have insurance, but still have to pay my part.. My son is in NC in a program called his Laboring Few.... He has had a drug problem for years... but Praise God, he is clean and serving the Lord right now.. He should be coming back to florida soon... Thank you for your prayers...
Deletenot knowing you personally, nor your home situation other than what you stated here, all i can say is how i would feel about this. i was a single mom too, no help from the father, my husband. he would pop in and out of his daughter's life whenever he wanted sympathy or attention he wasn't getting anywhere else. my daughter, who is now 26, calls him her sperm donor. and she is entitled to feel that way, since she found out all about him on her own, i didn't talk against him. i say to you, yes, you did your duty in raising children....you served your time. but.........think of this as a chance of a lifetime. not a chore, not a duty, but a great opportunity given to you by God to help mold these precious children into what He would like to have them be. you have also been given a chance to rectify anything you feel you may have done incorrectly in raising your son. plus, grandchildren are so much more fun than children are. i pray every day that my daughter will settle down and she and her bf will marry and give me some precious grandchildren. i am not well, and fear i may never hold one in my arms or lap and sing to them a lullaby or read them a book, or just share the love of Jesus with them. so, after you vent, and after you take a nice long coffee break, envelope those little fledglings in your arms and heart and love the stuffing out of them. something you may say or do might be the one thing they remember on their long hard journey through life. my prayers are with you as you go through this.
ReplyDeleteregina
i think you are doing a truly wonderful job,in very trying times.full of admiration.wish i had some words of wisdom,but im afraid i dont. tc x
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