I just don't get it.....

OK, so I have had my 4 grand children (ages 2-8) living with me since the end of OCT 2011... I love my grand children please believe that I do, but I by no means wanted to have 4 young children at the age of 47 years old.  Now is the time that I should be working towards my retirement and looking forward to doing what I want to do when I want to do it... I mean, I had my child... The Lord blessed me once with a son, and I took care of my responsibility to him... I did everything I could, the best way I knew how, I know that I made mistakes, but I stayed and handled my responsibility...

I was a single mother, I had no help from my son's father at all... Now I know that my son has issues, and he is working on his issues. I also know that these children are also his responsibility... but I just don't get the mother... she has been granted visitation with her children 3-4 times a week, and she only comes once a week... at the last court date, the judge gave her unsupervised visits 3 times a week for 4 hours each day... Now the case worker said that we can work these details out  together and  she could see them longer if we were able to work it out, she just can't keep them over night...

So I have opened my home to her.. I have told her that she can come here and spend good quality time with her children, and she still chooses to only see them once a week for 4 hours... and one hour of that 4 hours is spent in church, where she isn't even with the children.. She actually works less then two miles from our house. I have told her several times, that she could pick the young ones up from day care, come here and have dinner with her children... she would then be able to read them a bed time story and put them to bed, and she would still be able to be home before 9 pm.....  and she still chooses to see her children once a week for 4 (actually 3) hours.... I just don't get it...

Now, I have been help this girl out since she was 14 years old, I have actually provided a roof over her head for most of her adult life... she knows that I am going to have surgery on both my wrists the 20th of this month, Mary and I are really going to need some help, because Mary is going to have to take care of me too... I mean, I am not going to have any use of both my hand for at least two full weeks... she is going to have to do everything for me, including feed me and help with my personal hygiene.. I had asked The case worker if that mother could stay here at the house with us for 2-3 weeks to take care of HER children.. the case worker said that she would be able to arrange it, but the mother is so concerned about having time by herself that she isn't going to help us out at all..... I so don't get it....

Last week end, Mary had a funeral to go to, she really wanted me to go with her, and I really wanted to be there for her... We had asked Jen, the mother, if she would come and stay with the kids so I could go with Mary... she said that she had to work... OK, I understand that .... if you have to work you have to work, so Mary went to the funeral without me.....  that day, I had talked to Jen and found out that she took the day off because she needed "me time"..... Are you kidding me....... she hasn't had her children for over 5 months and she needed me time.... can I just say, I wanted to do some real bodily harm to her.... Mary/ and I have not had a full day to So now my life and Mary's life has changed and will never be the same... Jen feels that she should be able to come to this house when ever she wants to see her children.... well I am not having it... she says she will be here at 11 am, and she shows up 1130-`1145... that is bull crap... I am so done with helping that girl and catering to her wants... I have decided that when she has time with her children, she is completely responsible for them... I am not even giving her diapers for the baby any more... he is her baby, she should buy diapers for him....

Jen says/ she wants her children back, and she is doing everything that the court has told her to do, so she is working the case plan... It just seems to me, that if she really wanted her children, that she would be here every chance she had to spend time with them... I mean.. I know the children love their Mother, but shouldn't they miss her?  Shouldn't they want to be with her?  When she comes, they are happy to see her, but when she leaves, they really don't care, not even the baby that is 2... when she is here, the children still come to me for anything they want... they don't listen to her at all....... I just don't get it....

All I can think is, if someone would have taken my children from me, I would be doing anything I could to be with them every minute that I could.....  I don't know, maybe it is me.... I just don't get it...

Thank you for reading my rantings today.. I have had this on my chest and had to get it off, that is why we blog anyway isn't it...

I do need prayer, I need the Lord to help me with my temper... I know that I am angry, but I have got to control my mouth... twice now, the Mother and I have had words in front of the children... they so don't need to hear that.... they have so much going on alrady they don't need to see their Mommy and Bamaw fighting...

Ok, enough is enough... I am done ranting for today... thank you all for reading... and comments or input is greatly appreciated....

Ok, I am getting the hang of it..... lol

Ok, so I think I am getting the hang of this.  I am sure as I go along I will learn new and better ways to make blogging fun and interesting.  Or this just may become a place where I can spend time ranting on and on about things I need to get off my chest...

So let's start this by saying, I have rededicated my life to Jesus Christ and now every day all I want to do is get closer to him.  I have been in the word every day and just as God promised, he is reveiling himself to me.  I have learned that the only want to really get to know God is by reading his living word.

God is an awesome God, On March 4 2012 at 2am, the Lord broke the chains of nicotine on my life... I have not had a cigarett since that time, and I know it is only by the grace of God that I have been able to stop.  I am not saying that the urge to smoke has not come on me, but not once has the urge come on so strong that with the Lords strength, I have not been able to over come it...

I thank him every day, some times every minute for setting me free. I know that God has set me free, now it is up to me to walk in his freedom.... the good news is that I do not have to make this walk alone... I know that my God is right here with me every step that I take....

Thank you Jesus for being faithful to me even when I was faithless...

I love you

New at this.

Ok, so I am new at this Blogging thing and really don't even know how this is going to work.  I used to be part of J-Land on AOL and i really enjoyed Journaling, so I thought I would try out this Blogging thing. 

I am not sure how this is going to work, so I will type more later.